CHAMPIONS LEAGUE MATCHDAY ONE: WE ARE SO BACK

There is something about the Champions League.The music. The floodlights. The ridiculous games. The inevitable Erling Haaland goal.

And on the first night of the 2026/27 competition, Europe wasted absolutely no time reminding us why we spend months waiting for this tournament to come back.

Six games. Eighteen goals. Three separate 3-2s. Real Madrid against Inter. Dortmund drama. Betis coming from behind. Aston Villa winning away from home.

And Haaland is Haaland

REAL MADRID 2-1 INTER — WINNING UGLY IS STILL WINNING

Inter had more of the ball. Inter created problems. Inter probably walked away wondering how on earth they had managed to lose the game. Madrid walked away with three points.

Kylian Mbappé opened the scoring after Inter surrendered possession, before Federico Valverde punished another horrible mistake to make it 2-0. Carlos Augusto eventually pulled one back, but by then Thibaut Courtois had spent most of the evening reminding everyone that having one of the best goalkeepers in the world is quite useful.

Inter finished with more than 64% possession, yet Madrid won 2-1. That probably tells you everything.Madrid aren’t the finished article yet. But the Champions League has never really cared whether Madrid are the finished article.

They just win.

PORTO 0-2 MAN CITY — HAALAND. OBVIOUSLY.

City completely controlled proceedings — more than 70% possession, 20 shots and 10 on target — but somehow went into half-time at 0-0. Two minutes after the restart, Haaland headed City in front. Then, because apparently one wasn’t enough, he scored again in stoppage time.

59 Champions League goals in 59 appearances. That is a Sublime statistic.

City under Enzo Maresca already look interesting. There will be much bigger tests than this, but going to Porto and allowing the home side zero shots is one hell of a way to announce yourself in Europe.

DORTMUND 3-2 VILLARREAL — PURE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE NONSENSE

And then we got the chaos.Dortmund versus Villarreal was 0-0 at half-time.

It finished 3-2. An own goal put Dortmund ahead. Villarreal equalised. Serhou Guirassy scored in the 80th minute. Guirassy scored a penalty in the 85th. And then Guirassy scored an own goal in stoppage time.

So, technically, the man scored three times. Just not all for Dortmund.

Guirassy still walked away with UEFA’s Player of the Match award, which feels like the appropriate conclusion to an utterly unserious second half. This is what the Champions League should be.

CLUB BRUGGE 2-3 ASTON VILLA — VILLA AREN’T HERE FOR THE EXPERIENCE

Another 3-2. Because apparently defending was optional on Tuesday night.

John McGinn scored the first goal of the entire 2026/27 Champions League campaign, Emiliano Buendía added another and Nicolas Jackson made it 3-1 before half-time. Brugge pulled one back from the penalty spot after the break, but Villa survived. Pau Torres quietly finished with two assists.

And Villa left Belgium with exactly what they came for. Three points.

THE BIGGEST TAKEAWAY?

It took precisely one night for the Champions League to become the Champions League again.

Haaland is still inevitable. Mbappé is still scoring. Madrid are still finding ways to win games they don’t entirely control.

Dortmund are still incapable of doing anything normally. And somewhere in Seville, people are presumably waking up wondering whether they really watched Marc Bartra score a Champions League brace.

They did. The best part?

Matchday One isn’t even finished yet.

Barcelona–Feyenoord and Liverpool–Atlético are among Wednesday’s games, with Napoli–Arsenal another standout fixture. Bayern and Manchester United are among the teams entering the competition on Thursday.

So after night one, there is really only one sensible conclusion:

The Champions League is back. And football is already being ridiculous again.